I remember giving my first kiss to the wrong person. It was something I couldn’t take back. I was young, innocent. At that time, I didn’t know people kissed with tongues and open mouths. I always thought kisses were focused on the movement of your lips on someone else’s. Silly me. Maybe that was already a sign that I wasn’t ready for what was coming my way. But then it happened. My first kiss. I squirmed as it left me and promised itself to the guy sitting right in front of me. To tell you I was surprised was an understatement. I think he saw I was unprepared and frowned. And young, innocent me even felt bad that I could make him feel that way. So instead of thinking about my tragic first kiss, I smiled and pressed my lips to his. I did that for about a second before quickly retreating. And now he held my second kiss too. In fact, many still followed after that. All of which I’d willingly given. A month later, we broke up. Did I regret giving that person those kisses? A part of me did. A part of me still does. But I’m happy I did something I could regret. It just proves that there are some choices you have to make even if you can’t stick to them in the end.
My second first kiss happened a year later. This was a summer romance, as was the first. We were together for only two weeks. I guess I was in that relationship to sate my urge for intimacy and physical comfort. We never got past first base. He wished he did though. My second first kiss was promised to a guy who was your typical summer fling. I knew I had no future with him but I dove in anyway.
My third first kiss was ALMOST promised to a guy who was still in love with somebody else. I’m glad I was smart enough to stay away. I was on the verge of falling for him that time. Something always pulled me back. I’m glad I didn’t resist it.
My actual third first kiss was promised to the most innocent guy. I was his very first kiss. I consider myself lucky and blessed to have found him. Lucky enough that he saw something in me he loved and trusted. So he made the decision of trusting me with his first kiss. And I saw the same things in him. So I told myself I would not make this boy regret anything he experiences with me. I promised myself I wouldn’t kiss him- but oh, how badly I wanted to- he had to be the one to kiss me. It was all on his terms. You can imagine how giddy I was when the moment finally came. I was waiting at the bus stop as he held my hand. You should know I’m a big How I Met Your Mother fan and I loved the relationship Ted had with Victoria. They were known for their famous “build-up” towards a kiss. I suggested this to the boy I was holding hands with and told him about the idea of the “build-up” towards the kiss that was yet to happen. He gamely obliged. You had to be there. You had to be me to know how great the feeling was, how extremely amazing it was to feel something so intense. By the fifth time we did it, the tension was so thick that we probably set off every car alarm in the area. We both agreed to stop. My mind was steel reeling, my heart still bearing frantically in my chest. The bus arrived so I turned towards him and raised on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek, our goodbye gesture. He did the same. I was about to walk away, the tips of my fingers were already on his palm, ready to let go when he suddenly pulled my hand gently and turned me towards him. I remember him asking, “It doesn’t count as a first kiss if our lips just press together, right? Just a smack and that’s it?” And my heart literally leapt out of my chest. To think that this guy could barely hold out on kissing me too. I smiled, “Your terms,”. His answering smile was breathtaking, his eyes danced at the idea. So he leaned in, ever so slowly, and kissed me.
I have yet to find out if my fourth first kiss or fifth is still waiting to be promised to someone else. But right now, I’m wishing that third first kiss was my last. Because that boy at the bus stop wants me to be his only first kiss. How stupid would I be to pass that up? We’ve progressed to many other kinds of kisses after that. The kiss I loved most? My last first kiss. ❤️